21 February 2015

Reading week, and other things.

Hi all! We've been having ridiculouslyyyyy good weather this week. I'm so happy! The sun's always shining and there haven't been gray skies, so there's no room for gloom at all. Cherry blossoms are blooming and I'm just sitting here giddily waiting for spring (and then summer!!!). Here are a couple of pictures from (amazingly!) good week.

We sat by the lake watching ducks swim by! For some reason Joggy takes interest in crows and seagulls but not ducks, so it's good that we get to watch ducks swim by in peace.  

We've also been taking long walks by the beach whenever we can. Just yesterday we did three hours (but also because I dropped my sunglasses halfway and didn't realize it til we were almost home, so we went back and looked for it. I kinda thought it was gone for good but then Jay combed the slippery rocks for it and found it! I felt like Britney Spears in Oops I did it again.)  

Walks by the Point Grey seawall. I love looking at the houses there, they're all pretty but it's so fun picking out which house theme is the best one of all and imagining a 700 sq ft gym and 100000 sq ft kitchen facing the sea and things like that. I can't wait to make some dolla dolla bills!!! 

I went up to Whistler with my sorority sisters. It was kinda spontaneous and it felt good just doing something on a whim, it's been ages since I've done something like that! Whistler is beautiful (and expensive, womp womp). I'd love to live in a town by the mountain some day, after I've lived in the woods and by the sea. Maybe I'll retire in a mountain, who knows ;) 

We got a fireplace and sauna and our lodge was kind of like a loft which made me excited because i love things like stairs in apartments. Let me emphasize that I REALLY like stairs in apartments, so that made me happy. 

I left Whistler with the intention of learning how to ski... #tropicalcreatureinthegreatwhitenorth 

Had coffee at 49th Parallel. The lady beside us was judging me so hard as i snapped this so there wasn't much time for angles or lighting and stuff like that. 
Snapchat quality but anyway, look! We build Joggy his own tent and now he is the king of his own castle ;) 

We've been furnishing the new place and this is my little corner where I listen to music / read / make music. I planned on uploading this to Instagram with the caption "my dog is so hipster now we've created a monster", but I didn't. 

We've been walking in forests. Of course. 

We bought him to the vet for a check up / his yearly vaccination. It was his first time there and while he was getting his shots, he leaned in to Jw. It was the sweetest thing and I'm so glad he trusts us now! 

Bagels at Solly's Bagelry on Broadway!! So good.
Some stuff after the cut about anxiety and life, it's not really important / relevant to this blog but I thought I'd just say something about it.

So if you read this space often / follow me on Instagram, by now you'd probably have realized that it's been mostly posts about ~nature photos~ and stuff like that. I have never been one to enjoy the outdoors, but the last couple of years have been hard for me and I hadn't been feeling like myself a lot of times. On many occasions, it was very difficult for me to go about my day. I avoided social interaction if I could and sometimes I'd not go to class at all because the thought of being on the bus, or in a crowded lecture hall scared me a lot. I've got pretty bad anxiety. It's kind of the product of high school / getting out of a bad relationship and I think, maybe moving to a new place all by myself. The past stays in the past so I'm not really blaming anyone, but I think a lot of it has to do with how I ended up not loving myself. It has gotten so much better over the last couple of months, but just a short while ago it was so bad that even the thought of visiting a counsellor scared me because it would involve making an appointment over the phone and interacting with a receptionist / doctor. I felt really bad and guilty about things that were beyond my control. For example, if someone beside me spilled his coffee, I'd think that it was my fault, somehow.

I decided to finally get help when I was out with Joggy one day and a little girl tried to pet him. She stuck out her hand to let him sniff it, but he barked at her. (Joggy has never been around kids before and he's generally ok if people let him sniff their hands first, so i wasn't expecting that). She was about to cry and her dad was so nice about it, but I spent the whole day worrying about her, and if she was ok, or if she was going to get a heart attack from a nightmare she'd have later on that night about a big scary dog. It was a horrible day for me and I knew that most of it wasn't going to happen, but then I didn't know if it would happen, you know? I was tired of feeling exhausted from thinking about things like that on a daily basis. I didn't want to be at home all day because I was afraid of going out. I know it doesn't seem like that on my blog, where I'm happy (and I am happy about everything I write about, but you have to remember that I usually have Jw with me when I do those things and that makes me feel a little less afraid.) This is just part of it and for some reason I'm getting anxious writing about this so I'm going to stop soon. Basically, all I wanted to say was that I'm happy that I'm finally getting help because it has taken me about three years to take this step, and I wanted to put it out here because I'm tired of making excuses of "being busy" or "being sick" to avoid social obligations. I know things are only going to get better once I choose to face my problems, and by putting it out here I kind of know it's real, like, now people know I have anxiety so maybe they'll understand when i'm "busy" or "quiet" or something, you know?

And that thing about nature. Getting outdoors has been great. It's great exercise and it's good for a positive mindset. I started forest walking because it was a good way of being outside and yet being away from people. Now it's just something I want to do all the time, and Joggy loves it, so why not? I planned to write a lot more, but like I mentioned, I'm getting anxious, so I'm going to stop. Thanks so much for reading.

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